The woman in the middle on jeopardy tonight looks like you, serialsghostwritten!
Fat Charlie was thirsty and his head hurt and his mouth tasted evil and his eyes were too tight in his head and all his teeth twinged and his stomach burned and his back was aching in a way that started around his knees and went up to his forehead and his brains had been removed and replaced with cotton balls and needles and pins which was why it hurt to try and think, and his eyes were not just too tight in his head but they must have rolled out in the night and been reattached with roofing nails; and now he noticed that anything louder than the gentle Brownian motion of air molecules drifting softly past each other was above his pain threshold. Also, he wished he were dead
Me: So what's [wife] up to this evening?
BT: (earnestly considering the question) Uh, I don't know. Someone said they saw her at Costco on The Facebook.